I am amazed

The halfway mark is amazed. I had sleepless nights worrying and fretting. Countless times I have reminded myself that I have cast all my cares to God. Either God takes the whole problem or I do. God doesn't believe in sharing the load. I had trouble accepting this and constantly wrestled with God to worry. Once again I am shown He is faithful. Once again I am told when He says "Do not worry", He simply means that. Once again He shows He will never leave me nor forsake me. I am still halfway in this journey Lord. I am yours to show all your wondrous glory.

Desperately seeking life

Was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives earlier (yes i do follow this "girly" show) and this week's episode was really thought provoking.

"You can't protect what you can't predict."
"Everyone has problems, but we all deal with it inside!"

Just some lines that got to me. We all go about living our lives thinking we've got it real bad in the world. Only we have issues. Only we have problems. Truth is everyone has their own set of unique challenges in life and we shouldn't belittle others by judging their outlook against our own internal state of mind. If that would be that case, we'd all be hating each other and planning mass murder because everyone just seems so much better off.

We all need to have empathy in our lives. Compassion for our neighbour despite our individual set of challenges. Despite us only sharing selected issues with others after carefully filtering it and scrutinizing them. "Them" meaning both people and our issues.

Not too sure what the point I'm driving at. Maybe just how closely television mirrors real life. :-)

Out of control

Sometimes I feel my life is spinning around like a merry-go-round out of control. I feel nauseous, dizzy and I want to get off. Just as soon as life would stop spinning. I just feel so... helpless. Not in control. Shit seems to be happening everywhere, I'm just an innocent passer-by on the side but that doesn't stop the shit hitting me as well.

I whisper to myself the verse of Phil 4:6-7. I worry though I know I shouldn't. I mustn't. God is in the driver's seat. He won't let me face trials beyond my capacity. But it just seems so surreal... trying to constantly remind myself this. The hurts are real. The fears are real. The regrets are real. God, I need You to be more real than these. Don't allow me to wrest control from You of the driver's seat. Try as I may, You know what's best for me. Guard my heart and my mind please.

I find solace... restful sleep... knowing it will all be okay.

The day that never was

It's funny. Time again, God protects me from the incessant attempts of the devil to bring me down. Time and again, I know that it is not I who did anything to be saved. But He is faithful. God is faithful irregardless.

I've got part of my rib grafted to my face as a result of a fractured eye socket. Vision in my right eye is improving day by day. During the days, I see things half-arsed blurred. But when I dream at night, I see everything crystal clear from my own 2 eyes. My inner self cannot compromise the true state of mind that God intends for me - with 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose and 1 mouth.

I am reminded of 2 Cor 4:8-12 ... struck down but not destroyed... I am alive... for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in my mortal body. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Decide

Decide what you want; decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. - H.L.Hunt

Life is a sum of all our choices. And today I decide that life is too short to be one of the insignificant many. I want to be part of the high impact few.