Out of control

Sometimes I feel my life is spinning around like a merry-go-round out of control. I feel nauseous, dizzy and I want to get off. Just as soon as life would stop spinning. I just feel so... helpless. Not in control. Shit seems to be happening everywhere, I'm just an innocent passer-by on the side but that doesn't stop the shit hitting me as well.

I whisper to myself the verse of Phil 4:6-7. I worry though I know I shouldn't. I mustn't. God is in the driver's seat. He won't let me face trials beyond my capacity. But it just seems so surreal... trying to constantly remind myself this. The hurts are real. The fears are real. The regrets are real. God, I need You to be more real than these. Don't allow me to wrest control from You of the driver's seat. Try as I may, You know what's best for me. Guard my heart and my mind please.

I find solace... restful sleep... knowing it will all be okay.